Happy Couples are Sleep Divorcing, Should You Consider It?

Sharing a bed with your partner is a window into our deepest vulnerabilities and how we look to our relationships to feel safe. There’s a lot of pressure around the meaning of the shared bed, but this is largely a socially constructed belief system—not a science-based one.

Countless couples have asked, “Is it bad if we sleep in separate rooms?” to their friends, therapist, or their doctor. The answer should not be a definitive “yes” or “no”. Snoring, tossing and turning, and conflicting sleep schedules can lead to chronic sleep deprivation, which affects everything from mood to long-term health. Enter sleep divorce, a growing trend where couples sleep separately to improve their rest. When should sleep divorce be considered? Let’s explore the pros and cons.

Why Sleep Matters More Than You Think

We all know sleep is important, but many underestimate just how vital it is. According to the National Sleep Foundation, adults need about 7-8 hours of quality sleep each night for their bodies to repair, regulate hormones, and support cognitive function. People who are chronically sleep deprived have increased risk of serious health problems like heart disease, obesity, diabetes, and even dementia.

Lack of sleep also wreaks havoc on relationships. A 2022 study found that sleep-deprived couples had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol and were more likely to engage in conflict. According to Dr. Chris Hammond, Neurologist at Ogden Clinic, “Many couples don’t realize how much poor sleep contributes to irritability, miscommunication, and even resentment. If one partner constantly disrupts the other’s sleep, the relationship suffers.”

If your partner’s sleep habits are keeping you up at night, you’re not just losing rest—you may also be losing patience and connection.

The Case for Sleep Divorce

Many couples have turned to sleep divorce as a practical solution. In fact, an estimated one in six couples in the U.S. have chosen to sleep separately to improve their well-being, according to Sleeping Separately: The Surprising Science of the Separate Bed by Neil Stanley PhD. Some even swear by it, including celebrities like Bette Midler and Carson Daly, who have openly discussed their separate sleeping arrangements.

So, what are the benefits?

• Better sleep quality: No more snoring, kicking, or waking up to an alarm that isn’t yours.
• Improved mood and energy: Well-rested individuals are happier, more patient, and better equipped to handle daily stress.
• Health benefits: Adequate sleep reduces the risk of heart disease, diabetes, and obesity.
• Less resentment: Annoyances over stolen blankets or midnight disturbances are eliminated.

Dr. Hammond explains, “For some couples, sleep divorce can be the difference between thriving together and constant tension. Quality sleep is a non-negotiable part of health, and if separate sleeping arrangements provide that, it’s worth considering.”

The Downsides of Sleeping Apart

Of course, sleep divorce isn’t for everyone. Some couples find that separate sleeping arrangements create emotional distance and reduce intimacy.

• Less spontaneous connection: Sharing a bed can encourage physical affection and emotional closeness.
• Perceived relationship issues: Sleeping apart may feel like a sign of trouble in the relationship.
• Attachment differences: Studies suggest that bed-sharing may improve sleep quality for some individuals, particularly those with attachment insecurities.

While Dr. Hammond acknowledges the potential drawbacks, he also emphasizes that “Sleeping apart doesn’t mean a relationship is failing. It just means both partners are prioritizing their health and well-being.”

Finding the Right Sleep Setup for You

At the end of the day, sleep divorce is a personal decision. If you and your partner are constantly exhausted due to disrupted sleep, it’s worth discussing alternative sleeping arrangements. Whether that means separate beds, separate rooms, or just better sleep hygiene, prioritizing quality rest can ultimately strengthen your relationship.

The key takeaway? Sleeping apart doesn’t mean you’re growing apart. In fact, it might just be the key to unlocking a healthier, happier relationship.

---

Dr. Chris Hammond is a Board-Certified Neurologist in Ogden, Utah. His ACHC certified sleep lab conducts a variety of sleep studies to diagnose and manage concerns like sleep apnea, insomnia, narcolepsy, and chronic snoring.